Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Fasting fail

So, yesterday I finally screw up the fast...

The morning started really well as already described and the day went well, too, then I did what I believe was the main mistake. I thought that Psyllium can improve greatly on the cleansing process so I took it (at around 4PM), as it turns out, it's not a so good idea if some food doesn't follow and since that time I felt really, really weird.

For the rest of the day I experienced suffering and I was contemplating greatly on the whole fasting thing and the idea of balanced diet (combination of food, air, light and sleep). When I came home I was in agony!!!

So, I got home, had a coffee with my wife and during the chat I found out she didn't eat much today which made me thinking of food even more. Then I decided to do something I originally intended to do on Sunday, I took the scale and found out I didn't lose even 1 gram during the 2 days long fast. So at 11PM I finally succumb to the idea of cancelling the fast and went to the kitchen to make some fish&chips (one of my favourite meals).

I will append some pictures taken during cooking as after the food was finished I was too busy stuffing my mouth to take a picture of a finished meal :D. So, the advice for the next time is: "Avoid psyllium during the no food fasting".

Fasting continues

This is the second day of my "no food" fasting so let's sum up the first day.

First of all it went much smoother than expected, I didn't have to use Psyllium and and I felt pretty energetic the whole day. Only issue was that my time perception sped up so now an hour feels like 2 for me, that's kinda bad. I finished the day with Five Tibetans and got ready to sleep, that's when the real hell started. It happened to me a couple of times that while falling asleep I suddenly became fully awake and grasping for air, this was usually resolved by one deep inhale, yet this problem persisted for about 2 hours and when I finally fell asleep, it was way after 1 am.

This morning I woke up a bit late, but against common odds I got up without that numb and confused feeling I usualy have right after waking up. Yeah, and my stomach is already fully empty, which means nothing prevents the "fumes" from it to go up and causing a weird taste in mouth, hopefully another sip of water will resolve this but I have to get to the office first.

Monday, 15 June 2015

Spiritual fasting

So, today I am a week of a complete fast, no food till Sunday. Let's see how that works out :D.

To put some information in, I have prepared a formula I will keep repeating during my meditations instead of my normal incantation to better accommodate to the time without food and to get from the fasting what I need to get from it (same as in case of conscious breathing and conscious eating, you need to direct that process somewhere).

I also know it's not a good idea to have an empty stomach the whole time, so I have bought some Psyllium, let's see how that one works out :).

Monday, 1 June 2015

Some updates

So, I am working on the planetary servitors project now, last week I managed to create 6 out of 7 servitors (I overslept on Sunday and didn't manage to create the Sun servitor).

I will keep charging the servitors this week (and fortunately create the last remaining one on Sunday), then I will vectorize their seals so I can print them and laminate them.

For now, the Moon servitor gives me quite a patronizing attitude, as an overprotective mother. Mars servitor is quite mean but can send the message across, Mercurial servitor gives me some sort of rush, very hard to stop thoughts in that mindset. Jupiterian servitor didn't show much yet and Venusian servitor brought quite a lot of unwanted attention in my direction (women seemed to be watching me a bit too much).

As for the Saturnian servitor, it is still undecided what his use might be, so far I managed to oversleep one day :D.

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Interesting experience

So, I have already started working on planetary servitors I have mentioned here: http://akenu.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/planetary-servitors.html

Yesterday was my first day so I have started with Moon (generally the week here starts with Monday so I am just following the cultural convention). I've gotten some interesting visual imagery but nothing out of ordinary, that was supposed to change today.

Today I have worked on creating a servitor for Mars. I created a very decent seal right on the first try, derived the name from it and started with focal meditation while vibrating the name (silently, I was in the bus at the moment). A feeling of immense heat followed this process and I got a very good feeling about this.

Then, after I left the bus I lit a cigarette like usually, thinking about following days when some gypsy came to me, asking me for a cigarette. I have handed him a cigarette. He then took some perfume out of his bag trying to pursue me to buy it. I suddenly yelled back at him "I will light you the cigarette but fuck off with this" which obviously shocked him as he certainly was bigger than me and didn't expect such reaction. So, I lit him the cigarette and he immediately left, while I stood there with a feeling of victory. I would say this spirit will be very helpful for empowerment and argumentation.

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Vacancy of mind

What is the vacancy of mind
Vacancy of mind is a state of awareness when no side thoughts are produced and the infinite mental chatter is stopped. It is also a form of gnosis and chaotes reference it as a gnostic state as the psychic censor is switched off together with the chatter.

Vacancy of mind is hard to enter and usually the early attempts can keep up just a couple of seconds. The process of entering this state is also often made harder by many mistakes people tend to do in the beginning of the practice, some of these mistakes will be mentioned later.

What is the vacancy of mind good for
As mentioned before, vacancy of mind is associated with deactivating the psychic censor. From this state you can either switch into the absolute awareness, which is a way how to shift your focus fully on a certain object and "charging" it this way (absolute awareness is good for sigil charging and I refer to it as the inhibitory gnosis in the book Liber Azag: The Book of Sigils or as Fragment #4 in Oath Breaker: Meditation).

Another use of the vacancy of mind once again lies in the deactivated psychic censor. Psychic censor is the filtering mechanism between your consciousness and your unconsciousness. If this filtering mechanism is deactivated and you are able to sit still with closed eyes in such a state, you will enter the state of high lucidity, granting you visions. The nature of visions is very similar to the nature of dreams. Not every vision is prophetic, prophecies are actually not so common. Your visions will often just be the reflection of your subconsciousness, affected by the food you ate, experience you had, movie you watched or book you just read. There are practices to make prophetic visions or dream more often, but more of that later.

How to enter the vacancy of mind
A good way how to enter this state of awareness is to progress into it from the focal meditation. A focal meditation is the type of meditation where you concentrate fully on one object. This object can be a symbol (trataka), your breathing pattern (pranayama), your posture (asana), gesture (mudra) or even a repetitive sequence of movement (like dancing). But gesture, symbol, posture and chanting (mantra) are the most common ones, usually in some combinations.

This method also includes the famous black egg meditation. Visualize a big empty room where everything is absolutely and completely white. In this room there is a black egg on a completely white table, and this egg is completely black and a little bit distorted as it emits the blackness to its surrounding, emitting the darkness as if it were a light.

Another good way was presented in the article Oath Breaker: Meditation, where the Vacancy of Mind is presented as the fragment #3 and is entered from the state of absolute relaxation. The relaxation is important in any case, as the mind affects the body just like body affects the mind, it's even harder to enter the vacancy of mind state when your mind is occupied with the inputs from your body and it's hard to relax and let go of your body when you feel something poking to your side or your nose is itchy. That's why you first need to find a comfortable position to relax fully (Fragment #1 in Oath Breaker: Meditation).

Common mistakes during the practice of the vacancy
First very common mistake is that people are unaware of their constant mental chatter. That's where thought observation and thought recollection comes handy. Be present at the moment and be aware of your thoughts, recollect them a couple of times during your day. This will help you to become fully aware of your mental chatter plus your memory will improve drastically.

Another mistake is ignoring the chatter. When a thought arrives, you should accept it and move on, recall this thought later and resolve it. Else this thought will reappear later, but stronger and with some consequences, you shouldn't ignore your thoughts same as you shouldn't ignore your problems else they can overgrow you. The void meditation is also associated with the reappearance of memories, especially the negative one. This process is natural and helps you to resolve your problems and better understand who you are. Same as with thoughts you shouldn't ignore these but accept them, else they will reappear later or worse, turn into phobias, nightmares and will make you emotionally lethargic or easy to get angry.

Another very common mistake is the self-trolling. I call it this way because during the void meditation you will tend to e.g. repeat the instructions of the meditation process, thinking about not thinking and few other cases. This actually isn't the psychic censor preventing you your progress, it's just your own mind making fun of itself. If you recognize it as your own doing and own responsibility, it's much easier to get rid of it.

Yet another mistake is to get frustrated when you are lacking results. Don't be strict on yourself, this isn't a race. Be fine with whatever progress you have and remember it works as a wave, sometimes it's naturally better and sometimes it's naturally worse, everyone has good and bad days. If thoughts are rushing too much and you need a little bit of rest, eat some heavy food (fast food works great in this great), when the body got hard time digesting food, less energy is spent on the higher functions of the brain).